I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
