saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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