you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
