do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
