i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
