You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
did i just pee glitter
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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