my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
