someone get that fucking seahorse.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
