I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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