Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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