i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
