I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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