ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
