Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
