Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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