The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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