Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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