and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
