"it" just moved
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
