hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
