every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
