so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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