his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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