Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
