Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
