We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
