Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
