So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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