The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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