i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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