i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
