I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
