oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
