A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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