the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
