last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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