So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
