I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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