We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
