A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
