haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
