The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
