I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
