I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
