you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
