We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
