Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
