HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
