I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
