i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
