Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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