It's just like the Real World with babies
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
