She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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