Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
