The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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