she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
